Doomsday Approacheth…

…and “Bombur’s Pork-Pie”

Recently, I had a dream/nightmare wherein our new president was named Donald Trump. For some reason, he was in bed, eating some meat loaf.

Why meat loaf? I think somewhere along the line, I had heard a report that his son-in-law had wondered why his father-in-law would even want to be president because of all the work involved. He pictured dad usually sitting on the couch in the evening, eating something pedestrian like meat loaf. Sort of… low-energy…

Well, who knows how this year will turn out. I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it’s difficult, given his mercurial personality.

I woke up severely troubled…

From “The Hobbit”—Bilbo’s Pantry

Poor Bombur. All he gets is abuse for his physical condition. It’s downright tragic that he is a victim of body-shaming.

I suppose I would say he is one of my favorite dwarves merely because of his appetite and his oh-so-apparent love for food and drink. He is described as “immensely fat and heavy” and he suffers throughout the entire story of The Hobbit. In the film versions, he is definitely a portly fellow, but he sure can move. He is sort of reminiscent of Peter Griffin or Homer Simpson, you know, fat but incredibly fit and mostly able to keep up with all the other spryer dwarves. In this YouTube clip, you can see he actually is the fastest runner (and don’t ask me why the folks who posted this went with Chariots of Fire music at the end instead of just keeping the original soundtrack):

I suppose I would also say he is one of my favorites because I can completely relate to his physical issues (which means I’m moderately fat but also relatively fit, though this is limited to regular types of working out—I don’t foresee jumping around barrels and killing orcs in my future…). Yes, he asks for a pork-pie, but he also requests a salad (which will be my next post), so he must be trying to eat relatively well…

“Bombur’s Pork-Pie”

• 2¼ cups all-purpose flour
• ¼ cup cornmeal
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon dry thyme (or 2 tablespoons fresh thyme, minced)
• ¼ cup cold salted butter, cut into ¼” bits
• 3 ounces cold lard, cut into ¼” bits
• 7-9 tablespoons ice water
• 1 tablespoon salted butter
• 1 cup onion, diced
• 1 pound pork tenderloin, cut into ½” cubes
• ½ cup dry white wine, such as Chardonnay
• ½ teaspoon Savory Seasoning
• ½ teaspoon dry thyme
• ½ teaspoon onion powder
• ½ teaspoon garlic powder
• ½ teaspoon onion salt
• ½ teaspoon garlic salt
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• ½ cup fresh or frozen corn
• ½ cup fresh or frozen lima beans (or peas)
• 14-ounce can petite diced tomatoes, undrained
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour or Wondra
• 1 extra large egg
• 1 teaspoon water

In a large bowl, combine 2¼ cups flour, cornmeal, 1 teaspoon each of salt and dry (or fresh) thyme. Add the ¼ cup butter and lard and combine. Add ice water by tablespoons and combine well. Divide into a ⅓ and ⅔ portions and flatten into round disks. Put in covered containers or cover each with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 30-60 minutes.

Meanwhile, coat a medium deep skillet with cooking spray, then sauté the 1 tablespoon butter, onion, and the pork over medium/high heat just until there is no longer any pink color. Add the wine and cook over high heat until it is almost dry. Add all the remaining ingredients down to the flour or Wondra. Bring to a boil, then cook uncovered over a medium heat for 5 minutes. Let stand; it should still be moist and saucy. Adjust seasonings, if desired.

Preheat oven to 375°. On a floured surface, roll out the large disk to a 13″ circle and place in a 9½” glass pie dish. Pour in the stew. Roll out the smaller disk to about 12″ and place on top. Trim edges, fold over and crimp decoratively, reserving scraps. Cut a small X in the center. With pie crust scraps, cut small decorations. Whisk together the egg and 1 teaspoon water. Brush top of pie with egg wash and apply decorations—egg wash these as well. Bake 30 minutes. Brush top of pie with egg wash and bake another 16-20 minutes, until golden brown. Let stand 10 minutes before cutting. Serve hot, warm, or even at room temperature. Cover and refrigerate leftovers; reheats well. Serves 6-8.

Vegetarian Option—Replace the lard in the pie crust with vegetable shortening. Keep everything the same, except replace the meat with 3 cups of assorted diced vegetables and add an extra tablespoon of flour to thicken the sauce. Good choices would be summer squashes, broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, or just additional onion, corn, lima beans, and/or peas. Green chile? Yes, please!