Out of the Closet…

…and “Over the Hill and Across the Water Salad”

Yes, I came out of my closet and concluded that I hate all of my clothes.

ALL of them, every single item.

Pretty much every item.

Well, I guess I can live with a few pieces…

I suppose this stems from a rather chronic dissatisfaction with my body in general. But perhaps this is how every woman feels? Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck and I can certainly sympathize, especially now that I’m past 50. She also could remember nothing and I’m sympathizing with her here, as well… I’m not sure whether the whole body acceptance movement is working or not. I mostly feel okay with being 30-35 pounds overweight (at the moment… or is it closer to 40? Guess it depends on the weekend binge…), but I wish I could fit my fat hips into a pair of real jeans (not jean-leggings, though I do like those) that fit my skinny legs. I mean, I have the hips of a size 14-16 and the legs of a size 8-10. It’s annoying.

Body acceptance. I could accept my body just the way it is but then my doctor will tell me to lose 50 pounds, because 30 isn’t enough. I could get my neck tightened, get some liposuction, lift my boobs… Or I could ADD 12 years to my age, as Téa Leoni suggested she does on a recent Late Show with Stephen Colbert. People will think I look fantastic!

I know I (most likely) won’t do any of the procedures listed in the previous paragraph. I just wouldn’t want to spend the money on any of it, I’m too lazy, and I really don’t like to volunteer for any sort of surgeries. I’m not sure if I’ll even bother to dye my hair back to brown, when I turn gray—too messy to do yourself; too time-consuming and expensive to bother getting it done. The only thing I’ve added to my mostly non-existent beauty regimen is to paint my nails more often after I noticed my nails getting kind of ridgy-looking. And why do you get ridgy-looking nails? Because you’re getting older. Alas. I also moisturize more than usual, but that’s probably only benefitting the body butter industry, not necessarily my skin.

Well, if that’s all I can manage doing, then maybe I’m more comfortable with my physical appearance than I thought. It’s not like I’m posting selfies on Twitter or anything.

I know Bob will read this and say, “Why don’t you go out and treat yourself to some new clothes?” However, the only thing worse than looking at your tired old clothes is going shopping for new ones.

From “The Hobbit”—Bilbo’s Pantry

As promised, here is a healthy salad for Bombur. A nice short post this time, with relatively few ingredients—perfect for summertime!

I’m imagining that Bilbo’s father liked to dabble in gardening and specialized in salad creations, so I’ve imagined this salad was one of his specialties. Bungo Baggins built Bag-End for his lovely bride Belladonna Took…and very little is otherwise known about him. In Letter 214, Professor Tolkien mentions that Bungo became “‘head’ of the family of ‘Baggins of Hobbiton'” at the ripe age of 70, but he died rather prematurely at age 80 (prematurely for hobbits, that is); his mother Laura Baggins (née Grubb) apparently didn’t want to surrender her position too soon. It’s a little reminiscent of the current situation in England with the queen, perhaps…

Dried cranberries or blueberries will work, too. Make your cheese extra stinky with a Bleu, or make it mellow with some Feta, if desired.

“Over the Hill and Across the Water Salad”

• 5-6 cups light green lettuce, torn into large pieces (such as Bibb, Boston, Butter, or living lettuce)
• 2 ounces sliced almonds, lightly toasted
• ½ cup dried cherries
• 2 ounces Gorgonzola cheese, crumbled into small bits
• 1 cup celery, cut diagonally into ¼” slices
• ¼ cup almond oil
• 1 tablespoon white vinegar
• 1 tablespoon honey mustard
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 1 teaspoon mayonnaise
• ½ teaspoon Savory Seasoning
• ¼ teaspoon salt

In a large bowl, combine the lettuce, almonds, cherries, cheese, and celery. In a shaker jar with a tight-fitting lid, combine the remaining ingredients and shake well. Adjust seasonings, if desired. Pour over the greens and toss. Serve immediately. You can make the dressing in advance and mix your greens, but don’t toss together until right before serving because these types of lettuce are fragile. Not recommended as leftovers. Serves 4.