Time Warps…

…and “Little Bunny’s Bread & Honey”

I finally got around to watching the Fox Network’s remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Everyone was fantastically talented in this production; however, I didn’t care for it much. It simply seemed like a sophisticated high school production made by the stars of Glee. Again; don’t get me wrong, everyone sang and danced well, and everyone was attractive. I think that was a large part of the problem. I’ve gotten so used to seeing grimy actors on channels such as AMC that I sometimes find the highly polished people and productions of major networks annoying.

The new production lacked the perversion and seediness of the original film. It didn’t update the film in any interesting way, except perhaps the addition of a participatory audience. I used to attend the Guild Cinema’s showings of RHPS occasionally and even participated in the shouting and prop-using, introvert that I am. The Fox production used an audience obviously made up of extras who were mimicking an actual audience. How much better it would have been to use a genuine audience, with all its grubbiness, and integrate that into the new show. 

Laverne Cox’s Dr. Frank N. Furter was phenomenal, but unfortunately (and to the detriment to the role) gorgeous. Adam Lambert’s Eddie never evoked any proper danger. Riff Raff was a good-looking guy under the stringy hair. I’m sorry, but all of it just made me want to see the original again. Someone on Twitter claimed that seeing this new production would remove your RHPS virginity—it will not. To truly lose your virginity, you’re gonna have to Time Warp to 1975 and see the original with all its grunge.

So there was really no point to this remake. At all.

If you’re thinking I’m only old school when it comes to remakes, you’d be wrong. I actually think the latest Ghostbusters with the female cast is far superior to the original two films.

From “The Hobbit”—Beorn

After the troll encounter and a brief encounter with some elves, Bilbo, his companions, and their pack-ponies end up captured by goblins. Goblins apparently “eat horses and ponies and donkeys (and other much more dreadful things).” Now, I do have many delicious goblin/orc recipes, which I will post eventually. Fortunately for you, none of my orc recipes involve any sort of equine meat products.

Unfortunately for Bilbo, he is now stuck deep within the Misty Mountains. Eventually, he is separated from his companions and runs into the creepy character Gollum. This is a life-changing event for Bilbo, in which he obtains the One Ring. At the moment, however, Bilbo has no time even to ask himself “what have I got in my pocket?” before he must escape the murderous Gollum, who likes to eat raw fish and goblins, but would certainly welcome some exotic meat known as hobbit.

Bilbo is reunited with Gandalf and the dwarves, only to encounter vicious wolves. Eagles rescue them, treating them all to some freshly caught wildlife. The dwarves skin and cut up the meat. That’s good because Bilbo is only “used to having it delivered by the butcher all ready to cook.” Poor Bilbo sleeps very well on a hard rock, though “he would have liked a loaf and butter better than bits of meat toasted on sticks.”

Happily, Gandalf knows of a mysterious character named Beorn who lives nearby. Beorn is a skin-changer: “sometimes he is a huge, black bear, sometimes he is a great strong black-haired man with huge arms and a great beard.” Beorn eventually agrees to let the company stay with him for a time. His ursine tendencies appear limited to a vegetarian diet mainly consisting of cream and honey. This suits Bilbo just fine. Even Gandalf enjoys Beorn’s hospitality: “At last Gandalf pushed away his plate and jug—he had eaten two whole loaves (with masses of butter and honey and clotted cream) and drunk at least a quart of mead.”

Nevertheless, even in this pleasant environment, Bilbo is a victim of condescension of the worst kind when Beorn picks him up and pokes his “waistcoat most disrespectfully. ‘Little bunny is getting nice and fat again on bread and honey,’ (Beorn) chuckled. ‘Come and have some more!'” Bilbo would never refuse more of the following recipe, even if his dignity has been bruised…

“Little Bunny’s Bread & Honey”

  • 1/2 cup soft salted butter
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1 extra large egg, room temperature
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon ground ginger
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • ½ teaspoon ground cloves
  • ½ teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1 cup 1% milk
  • ¼ cup light molasses
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 ounces crystallized ginger, chopped into ¼” bits
  • 2 ounces pecan halves, chopped coarsely
  • Little Bunny’s Honey Butter, recipe below

Preheat oven to 350°. Coat a 9″ heavy aluminum square pan with cooking spray or grease lightly. In a large bowl, beat the butter, sugar, and egg until creamy. In a medium bowl, combine the flour and the next five ingredients; set aside. In a 2-cup glass measure, whisk together the milk, molasses, and vanilla. Add to the butter mixture starting with a third of the flour mixture and alternating with half of the liquid. Beat well after each addition, especially after the final one (don’t be dismayed when/if this appears curdled). Scrape down sides. Mix in the crystallized ginger and pecans. Pour into the prepared pan and bake 31-35 minutes or until the center tests done. Let stand at least 2 hours on a rack before cutting. Cover and store at room temperature. Serves 9.

Little Bunny’s Honey Butter

  • 1 ounce pecans; lightly toasted, cooled, then chopped finely or ground
  • ½ cup soft salted butter
  • 2 tablespoons honey
  • ¼ teaspoon ground ginger
  • ¼ teaspoon ground cloves
  • ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a small bowl. Cover and refrigerate leftovers; soften at room temperature again for spreading. Makes about ⅔ cup.

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