“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” — Henry David Thoreau

“Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.” — Carl Sandburg

“From kitchen windows drifted two pumpkin smells: gourds being cut, pies being baked.” — Ray Bradbury

“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” — Carl Sagan

“It doesn’t matter how precisely the onion is cut as long as the person chewing it is happy.” — Padma Lakshmi

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” — Jim Davis

“Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first September was crisp and golden as an apple.” — J. K. Rowling

“A man who sees a gourd and takes it for his wife is called insane because this happens to very few people.” — Desiderius Erasmus

“Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.” — Shrek

“I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.” — Tina Fey